In Search of the Perfect Investment

Maliki is stepping down. I wonder what that cost us?

His departure should be good for markets. As the old joke goes, “Ain’t gonna hurt.”

NLY is bouncing a little. The CEO buys $1 million of NLY stock at $11.52, more than I paid. It’s a good sign. Read more here.

If I were running Apple, I’d look at making the iPhone also a better TV remote. Wouldn’t it be nice to ask Siri, “When is Charlie Rose next on? Who are his guests? Which channel is he on? And please remind me five minutes before it starts. And if I don’t start watching, please record the show.” I’d also like change channels with my iPhone.

If I were running eBay, I’d look into allowing people like me to list what they’re looking to buy. And alerting them when the item is listed. There are also about a million ways eBay could enhance its various ugly, user-unfriendly screens.

Nonsense medicine. Except it works. The instant you start feeling you’re coming down with something, drop one of these pills in a glass of water and drink it.

Airborne is not FDA-approved medicine. It’s not medicine at all. It’s herbal. It’s got lots of stuff — like Vitamin C — that could be good for you. But certainly doesn’t hurt. They work for me — if I catch my yuchiness early enough. Many of my friends swear by the stuff — so long as they catch it early enough.

Why is my imagination so limited?  I don’t have a gun room, e.g.

Google “home gun room” and you’ll turn up amazing images. Or simply, click here.

Next blog, I ‘ll report on home tornado shelters and the mechanism that frees you should your house fall on top of your shelter. This stuff is amazing.

An honorable ambition.

A teacher asks the kids in her grade 6 class:

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Little Johnny says: “I wanna start out as a Marine Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest hooker, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane.”

The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Johnny, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson . . . . And how about you, Sarah?”

Replies Sarah, “I wanna be Johnny’s hooker.”

Harry Newton, who suddenly loves life insurance. If I buy a $10 million policy for Susan and myself and we both die in five years, the rate of return will be 66.7% on my money. There are only three problems:

1. If we live for another 29 years, the rate of return drops to 3.25%.

2. However long we live, we don’t be around to enjoy the $10 million the insurance company just paid out.

3. Meantime, there’s the minor issue of how to pay the annual premium of $196,000.

A better idea for now, is to mortgage up a house, borrowing at under 3.50% and invest the proceeds in something — anything — returning more than 3.5%. I’ve written about this before. What’s new is that my bank wants me to tell my readers (all 23 of them) that it has money to lend. Obviously if you’re one of my beknighted readers, you qualify for the money.You must be rich. Now some of my friends are allergic to borrowing. “Never a lender nor a borrower be,” said the great bard. I feel the same way. But this strikes me as a “no brainer.”

Three things I especially like, the interest is tax-deductible. The mortgage is on my primary residence. Second, I can pay the mortgage off at any time, without penalty. Third, I’m only paying interest for seven years. If I can’t double the money I’m borrowing on the mortgage within seven years, I’m a total moron. Don’t go there, please. Even half a moron could do that.

I played tennis at 6:30 AM this morning with a 26-year old. Not good for my ego. I’m almost old enough to be his grandfather. Tomorrow I play an 18-year old. I am old enough to be her grandfather. Her balls are like canon shots. She’s hits a “heavy” ball. I putz them back and pray she makes a mistake. Sometimes she does. Not often.