In Search of the Perfect Investment

There’s only one solution with stocks for now. Stick with what you have and carefully buy the dips, e.g. Berkshire Hathaway (BRKA and BRKB), and perhaps a bank like BAC, JPM, or GS (though it’s pricey). A long-shot gamble is FNMA. There is talk that Trump may disallow this week’s huge payment to Treasury and allow FNMA to recapitalize itself.

This is a good time to stay quiet.

Don’t do stupid

+ Stairs. The last step. Please hold the railing/banister — whatever you call the thing you’re meant to hold onto. I’m hearing zillions of awful stories. The worst was a 14-year old who felt down a circular staircase, suffered brain trauma, was 14 days in a coma, cost $2.8 million in medical bills and still isn’t 100%. Please hold the bannister and don’t hurry down stairs. Watch out for the last one. That’s the most dangerous one. The last step, gong down.

+ You need TSA PreCheck. It makes getting on planes so much easier. Here’s Conde Nast on “Everything you need  to know about TSA PreCheck.” Click here. I came back on Saturday with three laptops in my hand luggage. TSA did not make me remove them, or my shoes. Neat.

+ Don’t invest in marijuana stocks. Don’t also invest in startup pharma/biotech stocks. In short, don’t invest in anything that’s ultra complex, ultra-fraught with government regulation and — most importantly — you don’t know anything about. Don’t believe the snake oil salesman who tells you his stuff is going to cure the world of cancer.

+ Stand up straight. Exercise. Walk. Jog. Stretch. Lift some weights. Play tennis. This stuff keeps you away from the doctor you wanted to keep, but now you can’t get to — because of your insurance or you’ve outlived him. Two of doctors are dead. I’m still alive.

+ iPhones mess up and don’t connect. First “solution” is to reboot the phone. Power down by holding the “off” button for ten seconds. Wait. Then turn it on. Often this doesn’t cure the problem. Then it’s time to “reset” your network connections. This works but is radical. You lose all your WiFi passwords. You’ll need to enter them each time you want to logon o WiFi. After that it will be automatic. But it’s a pain.

Bill Maher on Trump, the Con Man. Hilarious and frightening.

Click here. After this “New Rule,” you’ll also hear his monologue. Both segments are from last Friday night.

Colbert on Trump’s “budget”

Oops. I left the web link off on Friday. Here it is. Click here.

When couples divorce, who gets to keep the pets?

A particularly contentious legal fight in San Diego over Gigi the dog lasted two years, cost $150,000 and involved a court-ordered “bonding study” by an animal behaviorist.

For more, click here.

His last wish

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs.

He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled down the stairs. With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen.

Were it not for death’s agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life.

The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife,

“Don’t Bob!” she said, “They’re for the funeral.”

Harry Newton, who’s back in New York, pumped up his bicycle tires and is on his way to tennis. Not a good idea to watch the market today. Gives new meaning to an old Australian expression — up and down faster than a whore’s drawers!