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In Search Of The Next Investment

Friends are skittish on the stockmarket. Friends on skittish on residential real estate syndicators who have expanded too fast.

Hence, many of my friends sit on cash and spend time eyeing potential investments — especially ailing companies that can be saved with a little money and better management.

I call The Search my Tarzan Theory.

Tarzan gets around the jungle by swinging from vine to vine.

Take a friend to lunch. What’s he doing? Bat some ideas around.

Take your local banker to lunch. Perhaps he has a client in need of help.

Think trends. Consult Mr. Google.

In short, don’t get crazy that you have cash earning nothing.

Remember when God closes a door, He opens a window.


+ Keep spare tiles. You’ll need them when you need to open your bathroom wall because of a leak.

+ Your electrician should provide you an Excel spreadsheet showing where all his circuits go and what they control. Save you hours trying to figure out which circuit breaker controls what. Trust me on this one. I’ve spent the hours.

+ LED bulbs cost more than old incandescent bulbs. LED will save you oodles if you run the light 24/7. But if you only run it for a few moments every millennium, don’t bother. The LED bulb will cost you more than you’ll ever save in electricity.

+ LED bulbs are new. Some don’t dim with the dimmer switch you have. Some give off hideous color — try for 3000K. And some are horribly dim. Check lumens.

+ Turn your phone ON after you leave the theater.

+ Answer emails with “Go it,” “Done,” “OK,” or some other confirmation that you’re still alive.

+ The first time you use an acronym (e.g. IPO) in a document, define it, thus: Initial Public Offering (IPO).

+ Don’t do stupid. Here’s my friend’s leg and head after falling down wet, slippery, outside stairs:



He feels as stupid as his leg and head look. He’s proud that his photos will make it to “Don’t Do Stupid.” Weird.

Excellent (but very long) play


We saw it last night. For more, go here.

How to file a tax return

A handsome woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him she needs to file her taxes.
The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask you a few questions.”
He gets her name, address, then asks,”What’s your occupation?”
“I’m a prostitute.”
The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, “Let’s try to re-phrase that.”
“OK, I’m a high-end call girl.”
“No, that still won’t work. Try again.”
They both think for a minute; then the woman says, “I’m an elite poultry farmer.”
The accountant asks, “What does poultry farming have to do with being a prostitute?”
“Well, I raised a thousand cocks last year.”
“Poultry Farmer it is.”

Harry Newton, who’s playing tennis and having lunch with his favorite real estate broker.

  • Bruce Miller

    In search of the NEXT investment…the perfect cane to grow old with. 🙂

  • Hank Flipey

    Your friends are out of the stock market & falling down stairs? THey sound like losers.

  • Murray Riss

    Harry – some months ago (it actually may have been a year ago) you had asked your readers to list the stocks that were doing the best for them. That was very interesting and helpful column. Do that again and make it a yearly feature.

  • Hank Flipey

    Harry, you must feel awful you only have 15% of your $ in the stock market.

    • harrynewton

      Depends on how you measure it.