Harry Newton's In Search of The Perfect Investment
Newton's In Search Of The Perfect Investment. Technology Investor.
8:30 AM Tuesday, March 7, 2006: Turmoil
in interest rates. Not a time to be a borrower or a lender, either. Shakespeare
had it figured out a long while ago. Watch all the gurus try to predict upcoming
rates. Good luck. The Journal has a piece today. Click
allocation and picking managers. No brilliant conclusions -- except to stay
on top and have a short fuse.
Played Skip tennis.
Lost, as usual. I think he plays me because he likens me to his sacrificial
lamb. Picked Susan up from Ontario Airport at 11:30 PM after uneventful JetBlue
flight from New York. Which means I'm trying to write something of sense in
this column at 4:58 AM, New York time.
Will do better
I haven't forgotten those of you I promised material on the Strategic Commodities
Fund. Don't get too excited. After 26% up in 2005, the fund is down slightly
Up and down. Volatility
prevails, and perhaps is accelerating. The solutions are threefold:
2. Reconciliation to the fact that some managers will screw up and some will
do spectacularly well.
3. Pray that more will do good than those who do bad.
During the first day of Hanukah, two elderly Jewish men were sitting
in a wonderful deli frequented almost exclusively by Jews in New York City.
They were talking amongst themselves in Yiddish .
A Chinese waiter,
only one year in New York, came up and, in fluent impeccable Yiddish, asked
them if everything was okay and if they were enjoying the holiday?
The Jewish men
were dumbfounded. "Where did he ever learn such perfect Yiddish?"
they both thought. After they paid the bill they asked the restaurant manager,
an old friend, "Where did our waiter learn such fabulous Yiddish?"
The manager looked
around and leaned in so no one else will hear and said... "Shhhh. He thinks
we're teaching him English."
teacher arrested at JFK.
York's Kennedy airport, an individual was arrested trying to board a flight
while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and
At a morning press
conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez said he believes the man is a
member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. The FBI is charging him with carrying
weapons of math instruction.
Al-gebra is a
fearsome cult," Gonzalez said. "They desire average solutions by means
and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search for absolute value.
They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns,'
but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval
with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to
say, 'There are three sides to every triangle.'"
When asked to
comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have
better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and
This is an apocryphal story allegedly from the police log of Sarasota, Florida...
An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning
to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped
her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her
voice, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car."
The four men didn't wait for a second invitation. They got out and ran like
mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her
shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat.
She was so shaken
that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then
it dawned on her why. For the same reason she did not understand why there was
a football, a Frisbee and two 12 packs of beer in the front seat! A few minutes
later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down.
She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her
mistake. The sergeant to whom she told the story
couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four
pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white,
less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.
No charges were filed.
If you're going
to have a Senior Moment, make it a memorable one!
This column is about my personal search for the perfect
investment. I don't give investment advice. For that you have to be registered
with regulatory authorities, which I am not. I am a reporter and an investor.
I make my daily column -- Monday through Friday -- freely available for three
reasons: Writing is good for sorting things out in my brain. Second, the column
is research for a book I'm writing called "In Search of the Perfect
Investment." Third, I encourage my readers to send me their ideas,
concerns and experiences. That way we can all learn together. My email address
is . You can't
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