+ Your cordless phones need new batteries. That’s why they’re acting up. Buy them from Batteries.com.<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n + There are airlines not listed in places like Orbitz, Kayak or Expedia. A poor friend needed a quick trip to London. He found it on Kuwait Airways. One place to look: CheapFlights.com.<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n + Eyesight weird? You may have cataracts. Interim solution: Blast light on what you’re doing. The more light the better.<\/p>\n + If you ride a bicycle, buy yourself a new helmet. they only last a few years.<\/p>\n + Chuck your old sunscreen. It doesn’t last more than a couple of years.<\/p>\n Makes logical sense?<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0Texas Weighs Ban on Women<\/strong><\/p>\n AUSTIN (The Borowitz Report)-Republican lawmakers in the Texas State Senate are proposing a precedent-setting new bill that would make it illegal for women to live in the state.<\/p>\n Senator Harland Dorrinson, one of the many pro-life lawmakers backing the woman ban, crafted his bill after witnessing Senator Wendy Davis filibuster an anti-abortion bill last month.<\/p>\n “That was our moment to say, `Enough is enough,’ ” he said. “This comes down to a choice between life and women, and we choose life.”<\/p>\n Senator Dorrinson said his bill would call for a twenty-foot woman-proof fence to be constructed along the borders of the state.<\/p>\n “Women are great at talking, but not at climbing,” he observed.<\/p>\n But another G.O.P. state senator, Cal Jamson, believes that the total ban on women goes “too far” and is proposing a less draconian bill that would allow some women to remain in the state as guest workers.<\/p>\n “Texas needs women to cook, clean, and cheerlead,” he said. “If they show that they can do those things and stay out of politics, there could be a pathway to citizenship.”<\/p>\n Russia has some really bad drivers.<\/span><\/strong> And even worse pedestrians. I love this video of great Russian car and truck crashes. Click here.<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n Did I publish this one before?<\/strong><\/span> At my age, who can remember?<\/p>\n Moishe had just had a medical check up. “I hate to be the one to break it to you,” said the doctor, “but you’ve only got about 6 months to live.”<\/p>\n “Oh my God” gasped Moishe, turning white.<\/p>\n A few minutes later, after the news had sunk in, Moishe said, “Doctor, you’ve known me a long time. Do you have any suggestions as to how I could make the most of my remaining months?”<\/p>\n “Have you ever married?” asked the doctor.<\/p>\n Moishe replied that he had been a bachelor his whole life.<\/p>\n “You might think about taking a wife,” said the doctor, “after all, you’ll need someone to look after you during the final illness.”<\/p>\n “That’s a good point,” said Moishe, “and with only 6 months to live I better make the most of my remaining time.”<\/p>\n “May I make one more suggestion?” asked the doctor, “marry a Jewish girl.”<\/p>\n “A Jewish girl? Why?” asked Moishe.<\/p>\n “It’ll seem longer.”<\/p>\n![\"Dallas](\"https:\/\/www.technologyinvestor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/07\/borowitz-texas-women-ban.jpg\")
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