It happened in schul (synagogue)<\/strong>
\nA Rabbi approaches a guest in Shul and says, “I’d like to give you an Aliyah. (A paid blessing.)<\/p>\nWhat is your name?”<\/p>\n
The man answers, “Esther ben Moshe.”<\/p>\n
The Rabbi says, “No, I need YOUR name.”<\/p>\n
“It’s Esther ben Moshe,” the man says.<\/p>\n
“How can that be your name? That’s a woman’s name.”<\/p>\n
The man answers, “I’ve been having financial problems, so everything now is in my wife’s name.”<\/p>\n
High holiday perks (Rosh Hashanah is a high holiday)<\/strong>
\nTwo little old ladies were attending a rather long Shul service.<\/p>\nOne leaned over and whispered, “My tuchas is going to sleep.<\/p>\n
“I know,” replied her companion, “I heard it snore three times.<\/p>\n
Who will be the lucky one?
\n<\/strong>A Jewish woman goes to see her Rabbi and asks, “Yankele and Yosele are both in love with me, who will be the lucky one?”<\/p>\nThe wise old Rabbi answers, “Yankele will marry you. Yosele will be the lucky one.”<\/p>\n
The Rabbi’s Thank you present.
\n<\/strong>A Jewish congregation in suburban Toronto honors its Rabbi for 25 years of service by sending him to Hawaii for a week, all expenses paid.<\/p>\nWhen he walks into his hotel room, he finds a beautiful nude woman lying on the bed. She greets the Rabbi with, “Hi, Rabbi, I’m a little something extra that the President of the shul arranged for you.” The Rabbi is incensed. He picks up the phone, calls the President of the shul and shouts, “Greenblatt, what were you thinking? Where is your respect? I am the moral leader of our religious community! I am very angry with you and you have not heard the end of this.<\/p>\n
“Hearing this, the naked woman gets up and starts to get dressed.<\/p>\n
The Rabbi turns to her and asks, “Where are you going? I’m not angry with you.”<\/p>\n
Ethnic health<\/strong>
\nThe Italian says, “I’m tired and thirsty. I must have wine.”<\/p>\nThe Frenchman says, “I’m tired and thirsty. I must have cognac.”<\/p>\n
The Russian says, “I’m tired and thirsty. I must have vodka.<\/p>\n
“The German says, “I’m tired and thirsty. I must have beer.”<\/p>\n
The Jew says, “I’m tired and thirsty. I must have diabetes.”<\/p>\n
Jewish philosophy<\/strong><\/p>\n+ If a married Jewish man is walking alone in a park and expresses an opinion without anybody hearing him, is he still wrong?<\/p>\n
+ My father says, “Marry a girl who has the same belief as our family. But, Dad, why would I marry a girl who thinks I’m a schmuck?”<\/p>\n
+ Jewish telegram: Begin worrying. Details to follow.<\/p>\n
And finally, something you always wanted to know<\/strong><\/p>\nQ: Why are Jewish men circumcised?<\/p>\n
A: Because Jewish women don’t like anything that isn’t 20% off.<\/p>\n
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\nHarry Newton, who is celebrating today’s holiday and reminds his readers that every Jewish holiday celebrates three things: \u00a0They tried to kill us. They failed. So, let’s eat.<\/p>\n
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