As told to Eli Saslow<\/em><\/p>\nI\u2019ve hardly moved from this couch in weeks, but right now my heart rate monitor says I\u2019m at 132. That\u2019s double my normal. That\u2019s like if I\u2019m climbing a mountain. How come? Nobody knows. Nobody ever knows. And why has my fever been spiking again? Do I need to go back to the ER? I\u2019m on week six of this crap, and I still don\u2019t know if I\u2019m getting better or worse, but people want to act like the threat is behind us?<\/p>\n
Wait, no, that\u2019s not right. This is actually week eight for me. I started getting symptoms right before New York shut down. I mix up my dates. My mind is all foggy. I\u2019ve been a nurse for 30 years, and now I can\u2019t even remember if my last Tylenol was five minutes or five hours ago. It feels like electricity is burning through my spine, and nobody can tell me why. It\u2019s like I\u2019m sucking air through a straw. When I stand up, my ears start ringing until dizziness forces me back down. Every symptom is a whole new mystery. This virus is unpredictable and so, so violent.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m up to 140 now. See? It\u2019s relentless. How long can a heart last like this? The palpitations come a few times every hour and go on for a minute or more. It\u2019s just banging, banging, banging, banging.<\/p>\n
It hurts too much to talk. I\u2019ll try again later. I have to lie down and breathe through it. That\u2019s what they tell me to do.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
The next morning, Wednesday, May 6<\/em><\/p>\nMy heart rate is back down now to 105. That\u2019s nothing to celebrate. That\u2019s still considered abnormal, but it\u2019s typical now for me.<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t use to be like this. I\u2019m healthy. I\u2019m a vegetarian. I\u2019m only 52. I\u2019ve got grown kids in the military and a teenager at home, and we hike and kayak. I\u2019m a positive, hard-charging person. Maybe I got it at the VA hospital where I work, but we didn\u2019t have any confirmed cases yet. Or my son might have had an exposure and given it to me. Who knows? It\u2019s one more mystery. I didn\u2019t even notice I was sick until another nurse asked why I was coughing. I figured it was allergies. Take some Zyrtec and get on with it. Hardly anybody here in Syracuse had covid at that point. What were the odds?<\/p>\n
Then, after I tested positive, I thought I\u2019d get a mild case. I told my husband: \u201cRelax. I\u2019m fine.\u201d I don\u2019t have diabetes. I don\u2019t have hypertension, COPD or anything like that. I thought I could stay home, take care of myself and be back at work in a few weeks.<\/p>\n
Right away I started running a temperature of 103, and the Tylenol couldn\u2019t control it. I was shaking and cursing all day in bed, and the symptoms spread from there. I was head-to-toe exhausted. I wanted the whole world to let me alone. I had equipment at home from my nursing work, and I started checking my vitals and saw my blood pressure shooting up. I\u2019ve never had that. I\u2019d get up to shower and start gasping for air. My son was also covid-positive, and he ran a high fever and recovered within a week while I kept on getting worse. Maybe because I\u2019m older? Or because I used to be a smoker? You can\u2019t get a definitive answer on anything with this. I started coughing to the point of throwing up. I coughed until I was incontinent. My lips were chapped from dehydration. I had headaches. Migraines. Heartburn. Rashes. I lost 16 pounds in the first few weeks. I would lie down at night after taking melatonin and Benadryl, soaked in sweat and terrified of what might be coming next. What if I fall asleep and stop breathing? More Benadryl. More melatonin. Maybe try a Xanax. I\u2019d lie there for hours but it was nonstop insomnia. I\u2019d turn the TV to Lifetime for a distraction, but I couldn\u2019t make sense of what they were saying.<\/p>\n
One day, my son needed money to buy groceries. I said I\u2019d give him $80, but I couldn\u2019t count it out. I couldn\u2019t do the math. I handed him $50, then $70. I asked him: \u201cIs this really happening right now or is this a hallucination?\u201d He took the cash and counted it himself. He begged me to get help.<\/p>\n
I went to urgent care. The X-rays showed pneumonia, so they told me to go to the ER. I didn\u2019t want to risk a secondary infection at the hospital, and I knew they didn\u2019t have any magic treatment for this virus, but I couldn\u2019t take care of myself. There wasn\u2019t any choice. I wrote down my end-of-life wishes, and I had my son drop me at the ER.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m having another palpitation. Hang on. Are these panic attacks? I never had them before. It feels like my heart is trying to jump out of my chest.<\/p>\n
Breathe. Stay calm. What is there to be calm about? It\u2019s up over 150 now. Something is really wrong with me. I need to go rest. I need to figure this out.<\/p>\n
* * *<\/p>\n
A few hours later<\/em><\/p>\nOkay. I\u2019m a little better. It\u2019s hour by hour. I\u2019m not sure I can handle it again if I have to go back to the hospital. That first stay lasted 10 days, or at least that\u2019s what they told me. I couldn\u2019t tell days apart. I had a little glass isolation room with a curtain they kept closed. There was nothing to see out the window except a parking garage across the street. I couldn\u2019t have visitors, and most of the doctors and nurses were afraid to stay in the room. It was okay. I was too sick to talk and too scared to feel lonely. I appreciate what they did. They were honest about what they didn\u2019t know, and they tried. They kept throwing stuff at the wall to see what might stick.<\/p>\n
They gave me a malaria drug, but it did absolutely nothing. They gave me an antibiotic for pneumonia, but I still couldn\u2019t breathe without 15 liters of oxygen. They tried vitamin C, magnesium, shots of blood thinner, baby aspirin, Tums, multivitamins, Xanax, cough syrup with codeine. It was like fixing a car when you don\u2019t know what\u2019s broken. They gave me inhalers and breathing exercises to do every hour, but my oxygen level kept dropping. They wanted to put me on life support, but I was afraid I\u2019d never come off. The doctor came in and said: \u201cWe have a team ready to revive you in case you start to code. We\u2019re going to watch you closely.\u201d Watching was all anybody could do. Then, one morning, my fever started to go down. Nobody knew why that happened either. But it stayed down for 36 hours, and they said I could go home.<\/p>\n
Now I\u2019ve got my oxygen on a long extension cord. I can make it to the kitchen or the bathroom if I\u2019m feeling good, but usually I stay here in the den. My husband never caught it, so we\u2019re staying apart. He works as a manager at Wegmans, and if he got sick, we might be out on the street. The $1,200 stimulus went to rent and hospital co-pays, and now we\u2019re burning through our savings. I try not to think about it. I watch the news and check my vitals, but they\u2019re always bad. My family stands in the doorway to visit sometimes, and other people text or call. \u201cAre you feeling better yet?\u201d It\u2019s like they\u2019re becoming impatient. They want to feel safe going out. We managed to buckle down for a while, but now it\u2019s getting nice outside, and people need to work. The deniers and the protesters are coming out. One of my relatives went on Facebook and wrote that this whole virus is overblown, or maybe even a hoax. People want to minimize.<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you better yet? Why aren\u2019t you better yet?\u201d<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t know. I don\u2019t know anything. My brain keeps racing with unanswered questions. Are my lungs scarred? Is my heart damaged? Can I get sick again? Will I be hiking the Adirondacks this summer or lugging this oxygen tank from the den to the bathroom for the rest of my life?<\/p>\n
I hate this virus. It\u2019s been two months of uncertainty and I don\u2019t think I can take any more. Why are my legs burning? Why is my skin so hot? I need answers. I need help.<\/p>\n
* * *<\/p>\n
The next morning, Thursday, May 7<\/em><\/p>\nI\u2019m back at the hospital.<\/p>\n
My fever won\u2019t come down. The doctors say I have blood clots on my lungs and a mass on one of my organs. They\u2019re trying to figure it out. There\u2019s no timeline and no prognosis. All I know is they\u2019re admitting me. I\u2019ve been crying my eyes out. The morphine is making me in a fog. When will this damn thing let me alone?<\/p>\n
* * *<\/p>\n
Darlene Krawetz died of covid-19 at her home in Liverpool, N.Y., on May 28, 2020.<\/em><\/p>\nThe story is here.<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\nApple debuts the iPhone 12<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\nI’ll buy the iPhone 12 Pro Max — not because of 5G, which is not very available, but because of the new camera, which is stunning. I will also get a\u00a0$500 trade-in on my present iPhone 12 Pro Max, which still does great pictures.<\/p>\n
Here are a couple in our backyard during yesterday’s rain.<\/p>\n
![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.technologyinvestor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/rain2.jpg\")
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![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.technologyinvestor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/rain1.jpg\")
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Stay well. See you tomorrow. — Harry Newton<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The Administration has never had a serious plan for dealing with the virus. It sloughed off responsibility to the states to develop their own. The states weren’t prepared and didn’t have the resources. Some did better than others. Except now infections are spiking and big parts of the economy remain a mess. The Administration’s egregious […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-52047","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.technologyinvestor.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/52047","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.technologyinvestor.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.technologyinvestor.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.technologyinvestor.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.technologyinvestor.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=52047"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/www.technologyinvestor.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/52047\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":52057,"href":"https:\/\/www.technologyinvestor.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/52047\/revisions\/52057"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.technologyinvestor.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=52047"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.technologyinvestor.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=52047"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.technologyinvestor.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=52047"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.technologyinvestor.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/Darlene-750x398.jpg\")
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