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Harry Newton's In Search of The Perfect Investment Newton's In Search Of The Perfect Investment. Technology Investor.

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8:30 AM EST Tuesday, August 8, 2006: The Fed meets today. We'll have a decision on rates at 2 PM. Weird movements on 10-year treasury notes:

Lately down. The trend is clearly up. I expect another quarter point rate hike today.

I'll have zillions of investment recommendations tomorrow. I spent too much of yesterday messing around with lawyers, doctors, brokers, and movie producers.

The BIG key to tennis elbow:
I spent 2 hours waiting yesterday for the world's best tennis elbow doctor. (I know because he told me so).
Keys to fixing my tennis elbow:

1. Two Aleve twice a day.
2. Stretch my wrist. Hold right arm out straight horizontally. Turn wrist down towards floor. Use left hand to push right hand down further, thus stretching muscle which runs from elbow to wrist.
3. Wear this regularly.

It's called a pneumatic armband. It's made by Aircast. It costs $18. Buy one here.

4. Don't play tennis for a few weeks.
5. "If it's not better in a month, come back and I'll give you a Cortisone shot."

Update your Microsoft Office: Get the latest Outlook spam filter and other security updates. Free. Click here.

Hit the re-set button on your Linksys stuff: The key to getting Linksys routers like this one

to work is not to use the stupid CD that comes with it, but turn everything off, plug it in and hit its reset button (not the one on the front -- the one on the back).

Don't you just love your credit card? Citibank Visa writes me a letter:

"In reviewing our records, we have noticed one or more recurring charges on your account from merchants who do not have your current account number and/or expiration date."

I'm guessing that means they're just sending money randomly to any Tom, Dick and Harry, who asks for it.

The moral of this story. Check your bills. Check. Check. Check.

Obsession, the Movie:

The movie I want everyone to see is now on Google Video UK. Click here.

The thrill of divorce: This sign appeared on a billboard on Broadway and 54th Street in New York City. It was, shall we say, delicious. A reader send it to me.

By yesterday evening, when I went by to check, it had acquired a sticker. The thing was nothing more juicy than an advertisement for a TV show. ... And it seemed like such a great discovery. I was just about to call Emily and ask for the story.

"Oh, Daddy, you're not going to put my photo on your web site?"
Honestly, I did not have the idea until she thought of it.

Here's my daughter Claire showing one of her many skills. Taken this past weekend with Daddy's new Canon SD700. Note the Boston Red Sox hat. She's a fan.

Iraq map updated. You have to read the places out aloud. It's tasteless, but funny.

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money. -- Henny Youngman

Nominated for the best email of 2005.

You have to read this one aloud also.
The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and allegedly published in the Far East Economic Review:

Room Service (RS): "Morrin. Roon sirbees."

Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."

RS: "Rye..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen??"

G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs."

RS: "Ow July den?"

G: "What??"

RS: "Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?"

G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."

RS: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"

G: "Crisp will be fine."

RS : "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"

G: "What?"

RS:"An toes. July Sahn toes?"

G: "I don't think so."

RS: "No? Judo wan sahn toes??"

G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."

RS: "Toes! toes!...Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we
! ; bodder?"

G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

RS: "We bodder?"

G: "No...just put the bodder on the side."

RS: "Wad?"

G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."

RS: "Copy?"

G: "Excuse me?"

RS: "Copy...tea...meel?"

G: "Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all."

RS: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin we bodder on sigh and copy....rye??"

G: "Whatever you say."

RS: "Tenjewberrymuds."

G : "You're very welcome."

This column is about my personal search for the perfect investment. I don't give investment advice. For that you have to be registered with regulatory authorities, which I am not. I am a reporter and an investor. I make my daily column -- Monday through Friday -- freely available for three reasons: Writing is good for sorting things out in my brain. Second, the column is research for a book I'm writing called "In Search of the Perfect Investment." Third, I encourage my readers to send me their ideas, concerns and experiences. That way we can all learn together. My email address is . You can't click on my email address. You have to re-type it . This protects me from software scanning the Internet for email addresses to spam. I have no role in choosing the Google ads. Thus I cannot endorse any, though some look mighty interesting. If you click on a link, Google may send me money. Please note I'm not suggesting you do. That money, if there is any, may help pay Claire's law school tuition. Read more about Google AdSense, click here and here.
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