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8:30 AM EST, Thursday, December 6, 2007: Yesterday was weird. Two entrepreneurs pitched me. One's 5-year old laptop froze -- even before he got to the demo, which I'm assured is spectacular. Another had successful sold his two previous companies, but had no money left to finance the third -- that was my job. Tip one: bring a working laptop. Test your presentation in the lobby. Tip two: Have a great explanation of why you're broke and why this time will be better. Tip three: Marketing is the big key to selling your shiny new service. Make sure you have a plan and someone to implement it.

The perfect Christmas present for Dad: I have one of these wireless headphones in every room we have a TV set. I credit these devices with saving my marriage on every occasion we have watched TV.

It's very simple. My wife likes to watch TV at inaudible volume. She says she can hear. I think she lies. If I turn the volume up to normal, i.e. what normal people can hear, she claims "I'm blasting her, damaging her ears, and being aggressive." The device is called an "Open Supra-Aural Wireless RF Headphone System." It's available from everybody and their uncle (courtesy Google). I just found it for $44.99 on eCost.com.

The dumbest decision ever made: We bought a New York apartment with windows that look like this:

They are called 'tilt'n'turn" windows. They tilt for ventilation for cleaning and they turn for cleaning. Their problem is they have one open position. It's called "Freeze Harry." There are NO adjustments. Nobody makes a device for limiting the tilt of the window.

I am making one. It will be a kludge. I'm told the offending window cost the previous owner of my apartment $7,000. There are some people who believe that the more you pay, the better it is. The window in my office is a prime example of that aphorism as unmitigated BS.

Location. Location. Location. "If you don't buy it now, it will be gone by this afternoon," the broker told my friend looking at a new apartment. Instantly he agreed to pay $4.4 million for an 1800 square foot apartment on East 57th Street in New York City. That's $2,444 a square foot. A toilet requires about 9 square feet, or $22,000. They were pleased with the price because their alternative -- an apartment in the new Bloomberg Tower

was even more pricey. They wanted $8 1/2 million for a 2,500 square foot apartment. That's $3,400 a square foot or $30,600 for a toilet, plus sitting, standing and peeing space. The attraction of both buildings is twofold: Location and design, including floor-to-ceiling windows. My friend couldn't shut up about the views -- north to La Guardia, south to Wall Street, west to Central Park New Jersey and east to Queens and Kennedy.

Hold the ice, too. From the Chicago Sun-Times:

Next time you go out to eat or to a bar, it might be a good idea to say, "Hold the ice." In a test of ice cubes from 49 fast-food and casual-dining restaurants and hotel bars in the city and suburbs, the Chicago Sun-Times found that more than one of every five samples contained high levels of bacteria. In a test of ice cubes from 49 eateries in the city and suburbs, more than one of every five samples contained high levels of bacteria.

Samples taken at three of the restaurants contained an undetermined amount of fecal coliform, according to the findings of a government-certified laboratory that performed tests on the samples for the newspaper.

By comparison, a water sample taken from a toilet in a men's room at the Sun-Times tested cleaner than the ice obtained at 21 of the restaurants and bars.

I don't make this stuff up. For the entire Sun-Times story, click here.

My friend actually went to Antarctica on this ship: He said the trip gave misery a whole new meaning. "I spent three weeks being seasick to watch penguins strutting around a cold ice shelf. I could have seen more penguins, faster and more comfortably at the Bronx Zoo."

A few minutes after this photo was taken, the ship sunk, thus saving thousands more from weeks of constant seasickness.

The joys of outsourcing
" I was depressed last night so I called Lifeline. I got a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal ....

"They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck."

The only cow in a small town in Tennessee stopped giving milk.
The people checked Google and found they could buy a cow up in Kalamazoo, Michigan, for $200.

They bought the cow . It was wonderful. The cow gave lots of milk all . The people were happy.

Thinking like true entrepreneurs, they decided to buy a bull to mate with the cow and make more cows.

They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away .

No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull.

The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do.

They told the Vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. ..."

The Vet thinks about this and asks, "Did you buy this cow in Michigan?"

The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they bought the cow.

"You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow in Michigan?"

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from Michigan."

This column is about my personal search for the perfect investment. I don't give investment advice. For that you have to be registered with regulatory authorities, which I am not. I am a reporter and an investor. I make my daily column -- Monday through Friday -- freely available for three reasons: Writing is good for sorting things out in my brain. Second, the column is research for a book I'm writing called "In Search of the Perfect Investment." Third, I encourage my readers to send me their ideas, concerns and experiences. That way we can all learn together. My email address is . You can't click on my email address. You have to re-type it . This protects me from software scanning the Internet for email addresses to spam. I have no role in choosing the Google ads on this site. Thus I cannot endorse, though some look interesting. If you click on a link, Google may send me money. Please note I'm not suggesting you do. That money, if there is any, may help pay Michael's business school tuition. Read more about Google AdSense, click here and here.
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