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Newton's In Search Of The Perfect Investment. Technology Investor. Previous Columns
8:30 AM Tuesday, February 15, 2005: They call it the Herd Mentality. I call it being a slave to fashion. Wall Street works in cycles. It's "the latest way to make money." Today it's Takeover Time. Everybody wants to take somebody over, thinking it will make them more powerful, more successful, more intelligent, more rich, more virile, etc. It won't. But that's irrelevant. This morning a hedge fund is buying Circuit City (CC) for $17 a share, a nice premium over the $14.23 it closed at last night.

Today's assignment for all of us: Send Harry an email with your favorite takeover targets. Tomorrow I'll publish the list. And in coming months we'll see how smart (or rich) we all are. My email address is . I'll start the ball rolling with my favorite takeover target: Independence Community Bank (ICBC). It's a small Brooklyn/Staten Island that's doing really well. It should go for a nice premium above last night's $40. It's perfect for the Bank of America.

How to survive a plane crash: The Wall Street Journal says it's possible. Key strategies
1. Count your rows to your exit row. You won't see anything when the plane fills with smoke.
2. Use the "crash position" and brace for impact. Coach seating these days doesn't give enough room. But you can put your head in your hands and lean against the seat in front of you.

Eleven people on board a corporate jet survived when the plane skidded across a New Jersey highway and into a warehouse.

3. Don't worry about taking your shoes off. The plastic used in evacuation slides is tougher and can resist rips better.
4. Help at the bottom of a slide if you can. Having someone help you up and move you out prevents piles of people at the bottom -- a frequent problem in evacuations -- and makes it easier for scared passengers to jump.
5. Get out quickly. The biggest threat in a survivable crash is fire. Jet fuel (essentially, kerosene) burns very hot at 1,500°, hotter than the melting point of aluminum. Materials used in airplanes give off toxic smoke, so the fuselage can become a deadly gas chamber in as little as 90 seconds.
6. Leave your luggage.
7. Stay low and breathe slowly.
Hunched over works best if you can (if you crawl, you might get trampled). Breathing aircraft-fire smoke is going to hurt; the slower you breathe, the better.

Remembering Johnny Carson: You must watch this short video of Johnny Carson and Jack Webb. You will laugh. You will tear up for a great comedian. Click here. This two megabyte video plays better on broadband.

Yesterday was Valentine's Day. Hence these seem appropriate:
Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?" "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."
"Social Security sex?"
"Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"

A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell."
"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is."
"The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"

Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?"
She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!"

A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery, since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for "small, $6,500 for "medium, $14,000 for "large." The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision.
The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected. "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.
The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen".

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
reads: 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'."

"Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone reads: 'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"

Nora's husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, she squirted it all over the doorknobs and he couldn't get back in.

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."

The woman whispers lovingly, "I'll miss you."

Harry Newton

This column is about my personal search for the perfect investment. I don't give investment advice. For that you have to be registered with regulatory authorities, which I am not. I am a reporter and an investor. I make my daily column -- Monday through Friday -- freely available for three reasons: Writing is good for sorting things out in my brain. Second, the column is research for a book I'm writing called "In Search of the Perfect Investment." Third, I encourage my readers to send me their ideas, concerns and experiences. That way we can all learn together. My email address is . You can't click on my email address. You have to re-type it . This protects me from software scanning the Internet for email addresses to spam. I have no role in choosing the Google ads. Thus I cannot endorse any, though some look mighty interesting. If you click on a link, Google may send me money. That money will help pay Claire's law school tuition. Read more about Google AdSense, click here and here.
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