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8:30 AM Friday, June 17, 2005: Ah, the housing stocks. And they'll probably go higher. The housing boom for these smart builders continues.

Dumb Wall Street analyst. He knocked it. It fell. But it's completely rebounded. I checked the local Whole Foods out yesterday. I bought last month's dinner. It's booming as usual.


Theater in New York has been great lately: Of the newer ones, I recommend:
+ The Constant Wife.
+ Doubt.
+ The Pillowman.
+ The Light in the Piazza.
+ 700 Sundays.
I hear Spamalot is wonderful, but I haven't seen it yet. New York is brimming with great theater. Come visit.

I hate Time Warner (TWX): I have many of my recurring bills automatically billed to my Visa AA (American Airlines) credit card. This gives me miles and respite from writing monthly checks. Once every three years, my credit cards expire. The reason for this is that credit cards physically wear out after three years. But these days, my credit cards are electronic. They should never wear out. The industry hasn't caught up. Every three years, my bills run amuck, with vendors bills' bouncing with my expired credit card. I've tried calls to Citigroup. I've tried letters to Visa. I've tried my local bank: "Introduce a credit card with no expiration date." I should have saved my breath.

Eventually all my vendors figure out the problem -- they call or send me an email. And we live happily ever after. Except Time Warner Cable. Eight months later and zillions of phone calls later, they still can't get it right. Last night they shut me off. Idiots.

My present Visa expires in October 2007. My latest ploy is to tell vendors it expires in 2008. That's been working. I'll start with 2009 this weekend and work up. Maybe there is no expiration date going forwards?

The true meaning of globalization:
Q: What is the true meaning of Globalization?
A: Princess Diana's death.
Q: How come?
A: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the spelling) followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles; treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines.

This was sent to me by an American, using Bill Gates's Windows technology. I'm reading it on a laptop computer built in China using Taiwanese, Japanese and American semiconductor.

"Reverse logic" is the best logic
Classic humor is reverse logic. A good example:

Harry: "Susan, will you kindly close the window? It's cold outside."
Susan: "Harry, if I close the window, will it get warm outside.

A reader sent me these. He labelled the people as idiots. They're not. They're brilliant. They understand and practice the fine art of reverse logic. Enjoy:

IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD: I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: "too many deer were being hit by cars." He didn't want them to cross there anymore.

IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.

IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"
He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."

IDIOT SIGHTING: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with coworker of mine when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"

IDIOT SIGHTING: At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to "downsizing," our manager commented cheerfully, "this is fun. We should do this more often."

IDIOT SIGHTING: I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her couldn't understand why her computer would not turn on.

IDIOT SIGHTING: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's! side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "it's open!"
To which he replied, "I know - I already got that side."

All these stories came in an email with the following caveat:

Confidentiality Notice:
This message may contain information that is confidential or privileged.

If you are not the intended recipient,
Please advise the sender immediately and delete this message.

Father's Day this weekend. The absolute present is the CD version of The Kite Runner read by the author, Khaled Hosseni. I listened to on a long drive this week. I cried the whole way. Sadly, I also got lost.

Harry Newton

This column is about my personal search for the perfect investment. I don't give investment advice. For that you have to be registered with regulatory authorities, which I am not. I am a reporter and an investor. I make my daily column -- Monday through Friday -- freely available for three reasons: Writing is good for sorting things out in my brain. Second, the column is research for a book I'm writing called "In Search of the Perfect Investment." Third, I encourage my readers to send me their ideas, concerns and experiences. That way we can all learn together. My email address is . You can't click on my email address. You have to re-type it . This protects me from software scanning the Internet for email addresses to spam. I have no role in choosing the Google ads. Thus I cannot endorse any, though some look mighty interesting. If you click on a link, Google may send me money. That money will help pay Claire's law school tuition. Read more about Google AdSense, click here and here.
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