Previous Columns
8:30 AM Thursday, September 15, 2005: I'm tempted to sell the QQQs short, as a classic hedge. The market has become squirrely with heavy losses in the past several days. Katrina's impact is becoming more evident. The Feds meet next Tuesday. Will they continue to raise rates? Will they hold them? What will Greenspan say? In this uncertain short-term world, it seems to me that stockmarkets must drift.

Google is about to raise $4 billion: Why? Does Google face $4 billion of opportunities? Absolutely NO. Then why? Clearly because they can. It's a nice additional war chest for a rainy day. It's also management's way of saying $295 is about as high as it thinks the stock is going to get, for now. And what with the added dilution from the 14 million shares it's now selling, it may be right. Good time to take your profits on Google.

How to get the Internet to work for your customers: I point to VistaPrint. Buy yourself something -- some business cards, some letterhead. Watch magic in action. Think how you can apply VistaPrint ideas to your business. Click here.

How to get less spam: Get a much longer email address. Get an address with more than 12 characters and numbers in front of the @ sign. You will receive less spam. I promise. Try something like RobertWilliams2006@....

Here's something you probably don't want:

It's Gillette's new Fusion razor, which has -- get this -- five blades versus its present biggest-selling Mach3 razor (which I use) which has only three blades. In deciding to cannibalize its Mach3 line (a gutsy decision), Gillette is eyeing the $10.4 billion a year market which men worldwide spend on shaving. Yup, that's right. $10.4 billion.

Here's something you really don't want. Trust me.

This is a cell phone called Vertu. It costs $31,850. I have never seen one. I have seen the specs. They're wimpy. The phone comes in Platinum, white or yellow gold and stainless steel. I do not make this stuff up.

The French are having their problems. The official unemployment rate exceeds 10% (ours is under 5%). The French unemployment rate would be far worse except for some tricks. The French have created a category of "intermittent" workers -- actors for example -- who draw benefits from the government when not at work, but who are not counted as unemployed. Ditto for the 32-year-old graduate students extending their education indefinitely. Ditto for the displaced factory workers who get themselves classified as "disabled." Ditto for workers in the electrical and natural gas monopolies who are permitted to retire at age 55.

But the French have a solution: BATON ROUGE, LA. – The White House announced today that President Bush has successfully sold the state of Louisiana back to the French at more than double its original selling price of $11,250,000.

President Bush and a giddy Jacques Chirac shake hands on the deal.

“This is a bold step forward for America,” said Bush. “America will be stronger and better as a result. I stand here today in unity with French Prime Minister Jack Sharaq, who was so kind to accept my offer of Louisiana in exchange for 25 million dollars cash."

“Jack understands full well that this one’s a ‘fixer upper,’” said Bush.

The move has been met with incredulity from the beleaguered residents of Louisiana.

“Shuba-pie!” said New Orleans resident Willis Babineaux. “Frafer-perly yum kom drabby sham!”

However, President Bush’s decision has been widely lauded by Republicans.

“This is an unexpected but brilliant move by the President,” said Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist. “Instead of spending billions and billions, and billions of dollars rebuilding the state of Louisiana, we’ve just made 25 million dollars in pure profit.”

“This is indeed a smart move,” commented Fox News analyst Brit Hume. “Not only have we stopped the flooding in our own budget, we’ve made money on the deal. Plus, when the god-awful French are done fixing it up, we can easily invade and take it back."

The money gained from 'The Second Louisiana Sale' is expected to be pumped into the rebuilding of Iraq.

How to be successfully married:
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."
He addressed the man,
"Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?

A memorial service for Tom will be held on Sunday.

Recent column highlights:
+ Manhattan Pharmaceuticals: Click here.
+ NovaDel Biosciences appeals. Click here.
+ Hana Biosciences appeals. Click here.
+ All turned on by biotech. Click here.
+ Steve Jobs Commencement Address. The text is available: Click here. The full audio is available. Click here.
+ The March of the Penguins, an exquisite movie. Click here.
+ When to sell your stocks. Click here.

Harry Newton

This column is about my personal search for the perfect investment. I don't give investment advice. For that you have to be registered with regulatory authorities, which I am not. I am a reporter and an investor. I make my daily column -- Monday through Friday -- freely available for three reasons: Writing is good for sorting things out in my brain. Second, the column is research for a book I'm writing called "In Search of the Perfect Investment." Third, I encourage my readers to send me their ideas, concerns and experiences. That way we can all learn together. My email address is . You can't click on my email address. You have to re-type it . This protects me from software scanning the Internet for email addresses to spam. I have no role in choosing the Google ads. Thus I cannot endorse any, though some look mighty interesting. If you click on a link, Google may send me money. That money will help pay Claire's law school tuition. Read more about Google AdSense, click here and here.
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