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8:30 AM Friday, December 2, 2005: Monday's little bundle of tech stocks -- Microsoft, Dell, Intel, Texas Instruments and Best Buy -- has been moving up. I suspect this mini-boom will continue this month.

Whole Foods (WFMI) continues to be animal, up $4.07 yesterday. Maybe Wall Street read my positive remarks yesterday? Cramer was positive on it last night also. It's going higher still. Pray God it comes back a little in the meantime, so I can buy some more.

"My name is Dr. Garland. How would you like this? Awake or asleep?"
"Well, it seems to me it will be safer if I'm awake."
"You have little faith in your anesthesiologist."
"Well, what would you do if you were me?"
And that was the last thing I remembered until I awoke two hours later with a sore bum and a bloated stomach.

Paul Livingston, a reader likes Vital Images (VTAL) because it's theoretically a better way for your doctor to see your colon. The chart looks great:


Most interesting is the video of CT Colon, "a simple and fast 3D and 2D tool for locating and analyzing polyps, that enhances productivity with advanced visualization." For the Vital Images video. Click here. That colon is not full of shit and mine wasn't either, after four liters of GoLYTELY. I got an "atta boy" from the doctor.

And now, In honor of my colonoscopy: A doctor claims the following comments were made by patients while he was doing their colonoscopies.

1. "Take it easy Doc you're boldly going where no man has gone before."
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me now?"
4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
5. "You know in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, chief?"
7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out."
8. "Hey now I know how a moppet feels!"
9, "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
10. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
11. "Could you please write a note to my wife saying my head is not up there."

Cramer shoe fetish: "My wife wants a pair of UGG boots for Christmas," writes reader Jeffrey Tibbs. My daughter, Claire, wants a pair of "wicked good slippers" from LLBean:

Then I turn on Cramer and he's extolling The Boom in Shoes. All these stupid shoe companies are going through the roof: Deckers Outdoor (DECK), Payless (PSS), Shoe Carnival (SCVL), DSW (DSW), and Finish Line (FINL), the one he likes. "This is worst of breed, but it hasn't risen as much as the others," says Cramer. He's probably late. But his thesis is fascinating -- there's always a (short-term) bull market going on somewhere.

Holiday Gifts -- Part 1:
+ The Gillette Mach 3 Power shaver has an AA battery. It vibrates and actually gives you a better shave. I love it. $8-$15.

2. Adverse drug reactions are the fourth leading cause of death in the U.S. Millions of people take combinations of drugs that should not be taken together. RxWise is software that tells which medications may cause an adverse drug reaction. It covers a broad range of the most commonly used prescription, over-the-counter and herbal medications. $39.95 delivered on a flash drive or $24 through the web. Click here.

3. Someone took my idea of buying a backpack and stuffing with emergency stuff. They have over 100 items. It's called Ready Freddy. Easier than putting your own together. Just remember to include a waterproof envelope containing copies of all your key financial papers. As a backup, pack a USB memory stick with all your material. The Ready Freddy backpack costs $165. Click here.


4. Neat software -- WebCopier. It copies an entire web site to your PC. It allows you to study the web site offline, perhaps on your laptop on a plane, or in your log cabin in the boonies. Click here.

5. For the grandfather who has everything -- Xbox 360 plus a couple of non-violent games. The grandkids will adore him. Attach XBox to a 42 inch or 50 inch Panasonc plasma and the kids will never go home.

Visit a hospital (as I did yesterday) and you realize we're not getting any younger.
Hence my increasing obsession with old fart jokes:

My Private Part Died Today
An old man, Mr. Goldstein, was living the last of his life in a nursing home.

One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Tracy asked if there was anything wrong.

"Yes, Nurse Tracy," said Mr. Goldstein, "My private part died today, and I am very sad."

Knowing her patients were forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, "Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Goldstein, please accept my condolences."

The following day, Mr. Goldstein was walking down the hall with his private part hanging out of his pajamas, when he met Nurse Tracy.

"Mr. Goldstein," she said, You shouldn't be walking down the hall like that. Please put your private part back inside your pajamas."

" But, Nurse Tracy," replied Mr. Goldstein, "I told you yesterday that my private part died."

"Yes, you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?" asked Nurse Tracy.

"Well," he replied. "Today's the viewing.

Recent column highlights:
+ Dumb reasons we hold losing stocks. Click here.
+ How my private equity fund is doing. Click here.
+ Blackstone private equity funds. Click here.
+ Manhattan Pharmaceuticals: Click here.
+ NovaDel Biosciences appeals. Click here.
+ Hana Biosciences appeals. Click here.
+ All turned on by biotech. Click here.
+ Steve Jobs Commencement Address. The text is available: Click here. The full audio is available. Click here.
+ The March of the Penguins, an exquisite movie. Click here.
+ When to sell stocks. Click here.

Harry Newton

This column is about my personal search for the perfect investment. I don't give investment advice. For that you have to be registered with regulatory authorities, which I am not. I am a reporter and an investor. I make my daily column -- Monday through Friday -- freely available for three reasons: Writing is good for sorting things out in my brain. Second, the column is research for a book I'm writing called "In Search of the Perfect Investment." Third, I encourage my readers to send me their ideas, concerns and experiences. That way we can all learn together. My email address is . You can't click on my email address. You have to re-type it . This protects me from software scanning the Internet for email addresses to spam. I have no role in choosing the Google ads. Thus I cannot endorse any, though some look mighty interesting. If you click on a link, Google may send me money. That money will help pay Claire's law school tuition. Read more about Google AdSense, click here and here.
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