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8:30 AM Monday, December 5, 2005: My biggest gains in 2005 came from a handful of stocks (including Whole Foods, InSite Vision and Hana Biosciences) and real estate. Most weren't my idea. That's one reason I'm off to California early this morning to meet with fellow investors in, and the management of the company that loans on first and second trust deeds to real estate developers out west. As investors, we're getting 13% a year on first trust deeds and 17% a year on second trust deeds. Don't dismiss this because the rates are high. There is still huge demand for affordable homes in nice warm, non-hurricane prone climes.

My JetBlue flight leaves this morning at 8:00 AM. $99 from New York to San Diego. Can't beat the price. Don't buy the stock, however.

InSite Vision closed on Friday at 90 cents. That's close to the $1 I said it will hit by the end of the year.

Momentum plays are where the BIG, FAST rewards always are. The "market" may crash. The "market" may rise. The "market" may be flat. But they'll always be stocks rising 300% each year. No one can pick all of them. But if you keep your eyes open, you'll always "smell" something -- energy, shoes, organic food retailing, commodities. But how to know if your fling is everyone else's fling? Two things seem to be key: stock charts and Google Alerts.

Here's a test. Pick six "happening" story stocks -- Whole Foods, TiVo, Sirius, Apple, Zimmer Holdings and Finish Line. Set Google Alerts on each one. Set the alerts to be News and Web and As it happens. Watch the number that come in every day. Lots means a hot stock. Google Alerts may be the best stockmarket tool ever invented. To sign up, click here.

Verizon's Broadband Access for laptops is spectacular: I'm testing it on this trip. But so far, I'm thoroughly impressed. Much better than a BlackBerry. For info, click here.

Google is such a wonderful company: Their computers "read" my column, figure what my readers would like and put ads up things they think my readers will buy. Like enemas. Like just because I wrote about my colonoscopy does it mean we're burdened forever with enema ads. Oih.

On the other hand, as the famous joke punchlines, enemas "never hurt anyone."

Learning Yiddish:

Reader Kent Kjellgren is learning a bit of Yiddish in honor of my new Jewish
daughter-in-law. He submits the following as proof of his new language skills:

+ A shlemazel and a shlemiel were walking home from the supermarket, bags filled with supplies, when a big wad of bird doo plopped on the shlemazel's shoulder. He pouted and asked his companion if he had any toilet paper in his bags. The shlemiel said "What difference would it make? That bird must be five miles away by now."

+ Beatrice's great-uncle Joseph had a reputation as a krekhtzer, but she agreed to drive him to a family gathering anyway. Soon he begain repeating, "Oy vay, am I thirsty! Oy vay am I thirsty!" She pulled over and got him a drink, thinking she'd have some peace and quiet for the rest of the way. But, as they got back on the highway, she heard from the backseat, "Oy vay, was I thirsty! Oy vay was I thirsty!"

+ Goldfarb was hit by a car as he crossed the street and was lying on the ground, his life fading quickly. Mrs. Kelly saw the accident and summoned Father Donovan from the nearby church. The priest, not knowing if the man was Catholic, leaned over him and asked, "Do you believe in the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost?" Goldfarb opened his eyes in disbelief. "Ich shtarb", he said, "and he is asking me riddles!"

+ Mrs. Rabinowitz was watching her eight-year old grandson on the beach near the surf. Suddenly a giant wave engulfed the boy. Mrs. Rabinowitz cried out, "Got in Himmel, save my grandson." Suddenly another giant wave rose up from the sea and tossed the boy back onto the beach, shaken but unharmed. As the relieved grandmother checked her grandson for damage, she exclaimed, "Got zu danken. But God, he also had a hat."

+ As one story tells it, Moses came down from the mountain clutching the tablets and said to the Israelites: " I did a little handling and got him down to ten. Unfortunately, adultery is still one of them."

+ It was the alter kaka's birthday and his friends sent him a gorgeous prostitute as a surprise gift. When he opened the door, the sexy woman in the doorway leaned in and whispered, "I'm here for super sex." The old man thought for a minute, then repied, "Thank you, I'll have the soup."

+ Eighty-year old Rosie burst into the men's shower room of the old-age home, holding her fist out and announced. "Anyone who guesses what is in my hand can schtup me."

"An elephant", shouted a naked man in the corner.

"Close enough!" replied Rosie.

+ Izzy, the umshteller, applied for a job as a logger and was asked if he had any experience chopping down trees. "I chopped down thousands of trees in the Sahara Forest", he replied.

"Don't you mean the Sahara Desert?" asked the foreman.

Izzy gave him a big smile. "Now, it's a desert."

+ At Rubin's trial for pickpocketing, the judge declared, "Mr. Rubin, you are a gonif and must pay a fine of one hundred dollars."

Rubin's lawyer stepped forward and said, "Your Honor, my client does not have a hundred dollars, but if you give him a few minutes in the crowd..."

+ On a Miami Beach street, Leibgold, walking his Great Dane, bumped into his childhood friend and partner in mischief, Farkus, who was walking his Chihuahua. Overjoyed, Leibgold implored his old buddy to join him for lunch in a nearby restaurant.

"But we have dogs," said Farkus.

Leibgold winked. "Follow me and do what I do." As they entered the fancy restaurant, the maitre d' stopped Leibgold. "You cannot come in here with that dog," he said.

"But it's my Seeing Eye dog," Leibgold replied.

"I'm so sorry sir, the hostess will show you to a table." As Farkus stepped forward, the maitre d' hopped in front of him.

"Sir, you can't come in here with that dog."

Farkus, following Leibgold's instructions, replied, "It's my Seeing Eye dog."

Smirking, the maitre d' asked, "That Chihuahua is a Seeing Eye dog?"

With a startled look on his face, Farkus replied, "They gave me a Chihuahua?"

Recent column highlights:
+ Dumb reasons we hold losing stocks. Click here.
+ How my private equity fund is doing. Click here.
+ Blackstone private equity funds. Click here.
+ Manhattan Pharmaceuticals: Click here.
+ NovaDel Biosciences appeals. Click here.
+ Hana Biosciences appeals. Click here.
+ All turned on by biotech. Click here.
+ Steve Jobs Commencement Address. The text is available: Click here. The full audio is available. Click here.
+ The March of the Penguins, an exquisite movie. Click here.
+ When to sell stocks. Click here.

Harry Newton

This column is about my personal search for the perfect investment. I don't give investment advice. For that you have to be registered with regulatory authorities, which I am not. I am a reporter and an investor. I make my daily column -- Monday through Friday -- freely available for three reasons: Writing is good for sorting things out in my brain. Second, the column is research for a book I'm writing called "In Search of the Perfect Investment." Third, I encourage my readers to send me their ideas, concerns and experiences. That way we can all learn together. My email address is . You can't click on my email address. You have to re-type it . This protects me from software scanning the Internet for email addresses to spam. I have no role in choosing the Google ads. Thus I cannot endorse any, though some look mighty interesting. If you click on a link, Google may send me money. That money will help pay Claire's law school tuition. Read more about Google AdSense, click here and here.
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