In Search of the Perfect Investment

The holidays are for mulling. Where are the investment opportunities in the New Year? Stocks are cheap, say the Bubblevision pundits. Bonds are overpriced, say all my readers. (Yet bond funds keep going up.) Buy dividend paying stocks, because dividends are yummy and the growth is gone from growth stocks. At least for now.

There’s no right answer. Fact is you can’t predict. Which is why some of my friends spread their portfolios and rebalance every six months or so. For the first time in many years, I’m also seeing some interesting commercial real estate syndication deals. America’s economy is coming back. And people are leasing and re-leasing space  — if they can get it a little cheaper than last year. Which they can.  If you buy the property cheap, there’s money there.

My preference remains your own business. But how to find the right one for you? I counsel The Tarzan Theory. Remember how Tarzan gets  around? He swings from one vine to the next. It’s the only way. You can’t float around in unknown territories. Or expect inspiration from the Heavens. There are simply too many gotchas — things you don’t know, are mostly unpredictable and will screw you.

Here’s a charming story of new entrepreneurship from readers, Annette and Jim Pitcher. I like it because it talks about cost-saving in telecom — which I had talked about yesterday.

Harry,

We sold our cellular store and wireline businesses in 2008 after 41 years in the business. We started a new business: Teleffective Corporation at www.teleffective.com that audits telecom bills. Iit is very enjoyable finding all kinds of errors and credits.

We at times file a complsint with the FCC on federal regulation issues like porting of phone lines. We currently have a case where the carrier ported the lines and still billed fees for the lines ported for a number of years even though the lines were not in their database and of course no usage.

I just received a ticket in Chicago by a police officer for holding an inactive cell phone in my hand at a stop light. The cost at court in most cases is $140. Cab drivers – $500.00.

I printed my detailed cell phone bill on line – Verizon – that showed I had not been on the phone either before, during, or after the ticket time and the ticket was rescinded.

Here are some of our case studies:
Manufacturer: Upon audit and review Teleffective determined that one of the carrier contracts in force was not being billed correctly with the contract price, just the normal tariff pricing. Upon completion of the audit and investigation with the carrier, our client received the full amount of the overbilling plus interest in the amount of approx. $40,000.

Bank: After a complete audit of the client’s bills in comparison with actively used services, it was determined that a tie line circuit, which was discontinued due to a change in service, but was never disconnected and the client was being billed at the rate of approx. $1000 a month. Teleffective’s investigation with the carrier resulted in a check for the full amount of the overage plus interest for approx. $27,000.

Warehouse: An audit determined that a dedicated data circuit to one of their vendors was at an old address as the vendor had moved to a new location, but the old circuit was still in service at both ends, although unused, at a cost of $600 per month for several years. The value of the billing error was approx. $22,000.

Bank: An audit revealed many opportunities to reduce their current pricing through promotions, new contracts, and bonuses provided partially through packaged or bundled services resulting in a net effective savings over 36 months of approx. $64,000 going forward with the same carrier!

Transportation: An audit revealed savings going forward based on promotional pricing plans, a substantial reduction in a special circuit, plus a large error refund based on incorrect long distance billing.The resulting savings totaled $109,706 over 36 months.

Pay squeeze for Swiss bankers. Nice work if you can get it. From today’s Bloomberg:

When Werner Rueegg managed wealth for clients of Credit Suisse Group AG, Oswald Gruebel, who became chief executive officer at the Zurich-based bank, promised to make him rich.

“Ossie Gruebel told us: `To serve a millionaire, you have to be a millionaire and I promise you I will make you a millionaire,'” said Rueegg, 48, who has spent the last three years of a 28-year career at Bank Sarasin & Cie. AG. (BSAN)

Those days may be over with the average pay of Swiss private bankers declining more than 6 percent to 245,000 Swiss francs ($263,000) this year from 2008, according to data compiled by Boston Consulting Group.

I once had an account with a Swiss bank. Their fees gave outrageous a whole new meaning.

They now like Research in Motion? Microsoft or Nokia are going to buy RIMM. Not according to my thinking. I was routing round last night at home looking for some keys. It’s amazing how many old, dead BlackBerries I found. Everyone in our family is now carrying iPhones.

Always wear a helmet. Especially in Africa. Amazing video. Here’s why.

The world’s most boring photo. We turned on the dishwasher. Water spewed from under the sink. I checked the brass pipe.  Rotted through.

I guess they don’t make them like they used to. Figure five years life on these $12 pipes. Good idea to keep spares on hand. I wonder what we ate to cause this?

Favorite Christmas quotations, continued.

“The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.” – Joan Rivers

“Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.” – W.C. Fields

“Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.” – Johnny Carson

“The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.” – Johnny Carson

“Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know… the birth of Santa.” – Bart Simpson, The Simpsons

“The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you’re married to.” – P.J. O’Rouke

Harry Newton who’s on his way to Washington, D.C. to spend the day with Michael, Anne and Anne’s wonderful family. Amtrak’s Acela sure is overpriced. Today’s train is empty. But it does have decent WiFi and a Quiet Car. I wonder if  I can post this column from a moving train. That would be cool.

Everyone on the train is using an Apple product — a MacBook Air, a MacBook Pro, an iPad or an iPhone. Stere would be pleased. I’ve almost finished the Walter Isaacson biography of Steve Jobs. It really is a wonderful book. Highly recommended.