In Search of the Perfect Investment

Today’s BIG lesson: Don’t trust the Internet.

Write what you need locally on your very own computer. Then copy it to the Internet.

That way, if the Internet site blows up (as it will), you won’t have to recreate it from scratch. Which is what happened this morning with this column.

A good rule: when things feel “iffy,” stop and reboot. And keep hitting the SAVE button.

Apple’s meeting is 1 PM EDT. From what I’ve read, nothing they will announce is anything I want to buy. I suspect others will feel the same way and the stock will fall.

Which is a short opportunity, if you have the guts.

I’m still look at short opportunities resulting from the huge fall in metals and commodities. For more, see yesterday’s column. Click here.

Meantime, the market is coming back a little — but has aways to go:

The volatility of the VIX is ebbing.

The good news about corrections is they give you a real opportunity to assess what you really want to own. I had fallen in love with Blackstone for all the wrong reasons. I figured it did well because of all the increasing gobs of money it managed. I was wrong. It does well because of deals. I don’t like relying on them because they’re so intermittent. The New York Times did a neat piece. Click here.

A friend sent this. I love this stuff.

1. WHY:
Why do men’s clothes have buttons on the right while women’s clothes have buttons on the left?

BECAUSE:
When buttons were invented, they were very expensive and worn primarily by the rich. Since most people are right-handed, it is easier to push buttons on the right through holes on the left.Because wealthy women were dressed by maids, dressmakers put the buttons on the maid’s right!  And that’s where women’s buttons have remained since.

2. WHY:
Why do ships and aircraft use ‘mayday’ as their call for help?

BECAUSE:
This comes from the French word m’aidez – meaning ‘help me’ – and is pronounced, approximately, ‘mayday.’

3. WHY
Why are zero scores in tennis called ‘love’?

BECAUSE:
In France, where tennis became popular, the round zero on the scoreboard looked like an egg and was called ‘l’oeuf,’ which is French for ‘the egg.’   When tennis was introduced in the US, Americans (naturally), mispronounced it ‘love.’

4. WHY:
Why do X’s at the end of a letter signify kisses?

BECAUSE:
In the Middle Ages, when many people were unable to read or write, documents were often signed using an X. Kissing the X represented an oath to fulfill obligations specified in the document. The X and the kiss eventually became synonymous.

5 WHY:
Why is shifting responsibility to someone else called ‘passing the buck’?

BECAUSE:
In card games, it was once customary to pass an item, called a buck, from player to player to indicate whose turn it was to deal.  If a player did not wish to assume the responsibility of dealing, he would ‘pass the buck’ to the next player.

6. WHY:
Why do people clink their glasses before drinking a toast?

BECAUSE:
In earlier times it used to be common for someone to try to kill an enemy by offering him a poisoned drink.  To prove to a guest that a drink was safe, it became customary for a guest to pour a small amount of his drink into the glass of the host.  Both men would drink it simultaneously. When a guest trusted his host, he would only touch or clink the host’s glass with his own.

7. WHY:
Why are people in the public eye said to be ‘in the limelight’?

BECAUSE:
Invented in 1825, limelight was used in lighthouses and theatres by burning a cylinder of lime which produced a brilliant light. In the theatre, a performer ‘in the limelight’ was the Centre of attention.

8 WHY:
Why is someone who is feeling great ‘on cloud nine’?

BECAUSE:
Types of clouds are numbered according to the altitudes they attain, with nine being the highest cloud. If someone is said to be on cloud nine, that person is floating well above worldly cares.

9. WHY:
In golf, where did the term ‘Caddie’ come from?

BECAUSE:
When Mary Queen of Scots went to France as a young girl, Louis, King of France, learned that she loved the Scots game ‘golf.’ He had the first course outside of Scotland built for her enjoyment.  To make sure she was properly chaperoned (and guarded) while she played, Louis hired cadets from a military school to accompany her.  Mary liked this a lot and when she returned to Scotland (not a very good idea in the long run), she took the practice with her.  In French, the word cadet is pronounced `ca-day’ and the Scots changed it into caddie.

10. WHY:
Why are many coin collection jar banks shaped like pigs?

BECAUSE:
Long ago, dishes and cookware in Europe were made of dense orange clay called ‘pygg’. When people saved coins in jars made of this clay, the jars became known as ‘pygg banks.’  When an English potter misunderstood the word, he made a container that resembled a pig.  And it caught on.

Harry Newton who’s entranced with the tennis at the U.S. Open. Seriously good matches, especially when the biggies — like Murray and Nadal — are defeated. This evening at 8 PM. Federer plays. I hope he wins.

Stephen Colbert used to run a show on Comedy Central that was clever and funny. Now he’s on CBS and running a “family” show (he called it that), he’s neither funny nor clever. Don’t waste your time. Sad. I used to be a huge fan.