The stockmarket is at peak. As we give thanks, some thoughts:
No one can predict where it’s going now. For evidence, check out the political pollsters and the weather forecasters. Trump wasn’t meant to be elected. And this was meant to be one to three inches. (It’s my house 127 miles north of New York City.)
If you can’t predict, and your stocks have risen, sell some call options.
If some of your stocks have fallen 10% from their recent peaks (think biotechs), dump them.
If you have time this weekend, go through everything you own and ask yourself
“Is the reason I bought these stocks still valid?”
If not, sell them next week.
Lowe’s is the worst
I’ve been three times to my local Lowe’s store to buy a simple, white Kohler toilet seat. My darling son visited us, sat on our treasured, antique heirloom toilet seat and broke it. I lectured him on gaining too much weight. Now I had evidence.
Three times Lowe’s promised to get one in, but didn’t. This morning, in desperation, I tried to buy the floor model. After heavy negotiations with Donald, the manager, they agreed to sell me the floor model. Sadly, it lacked screws… But, there was good news. They are getting 18 toilet seats in. Some day.
“Here’s my card,” I said to manager Donald, “Please call me.”
“Sorry, can’t do that,” said Donald.
I asked “Why not?”
Replied Donald, “I have too many customers. It’s too hard to keep up.”
There’s a run on toilet seats on Manhattan’s upper west side!
As I left Lowe’s empty-handed this morning, I spied this:
Yes, dear friends, Lowe’s is selling gift cards to Amazon!
I took the hint. I trekked home and bought a Kohler toilet seat from Amazon.
Are Lowe’s managers total morons?
I don’t make this up.
A dear friend is traveling overseas. He runs out of clean socks. He buys a pair.
Within hours his legs are red, swollen, itchy and about to fall off.
He visits a Viennese doctor who pronounces — within seconds — he has contact dermatitis from wearing new Chinese socks.
My friend asks the doctor how he knew that?
The doctor says the exact same thing happened to him recently.
Moral of this story: Always wash new clothes before you wear them.
You need a strong cortisone cream to stop the redness and the itching.
All about the “failing” New York Times.
Asked if he read The New York Times by a New York Times reporter, Donald Trump said yesterday:
“I do read it. Unfortunately. I would live about 20 years longer if I didn’t.”
Mr. Trump has given up the idea of putting Hillary in jail and waterboarding terrorists. Allegedly, he decided against waterboarding because someone told him it simply doesn’t work. A pack of cigarettes and cup of coffee apparently work much better.
Dear Abby admitted she was at a loss to answer these questions:
Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together, and I’ve never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?
Dear Abby,
What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence on my VCR?
Dear Abby,
I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It’s getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don’t know him well enough to discuss money with him.
Dear Abby,
My forty year old boyfriend has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy. Is he?
Dear Abby,
My mother is mean and short tempered. I think she is going through mental pause.
Dear Abby,
I have a man I can’t trust. He cheats so much, I’m not even sure the baby I’m carrying is his.
Happy Thanksgiving
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s’ mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.
John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and all he could think of to ‘clean up’ the bird’s vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.
For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he’d hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arms and said “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.”
John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude.
As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly, “May I ask what the turkey did?”
Harry Newton who gives thanks for two children, a son-in-law, a daughter-in-law, three grandchildren and lots of wonderful members of families our kids married into. Best, they’re all healthy, gorgeous and way above average in looks, intelligence and accomplishments. I’ll see you again next Monday.
