Skip to content

Why did oil hit minus $37 a barrel? DocuSign booms. The new hit CoronaView.

DocuSign is the greatest.

Claire sends me a DocuSign doc. I receive this:

I sign it. It takes s full 15 seconds.

DocuSign gives me an “attaboy” with promo:

In the old days, Claire sent me a PDF, which I’d print, scan and email back to her. At least 15 minutes of nonsense and wasted time. Not to mention the begging and praying necessary to my antique country printer to print.

Now, when it’s signed by all the signees (including Susan), everyone gets an email:

Meanwhile DocuSign has been a huge performer this year. I’m up over 100%.

I’m taking my Docu profit off the table. I’m learning. Look what happened to Zoom:

Many “hot” stocks are very volatile. Rule: When they’re up a bit, take a little off the table.

Want volatile?

Wait till we get GDP figures for the second quarter.

Impressed with Fidelity

They really do a good job. Their people are superb. Their Active Trader Pro is great.

With everyone else, I’m still on hold. Fidelity answers their phone.

Believe it or not, Nordstrom told me on their customer service line last night that the wait was “over two hours.”

Why did oil trade at minus $37 a barrel?

Imagine the following scenario:

You pay $500 today and commit to receiving an escort at your house in 15 days because your wife is traveling. This is called a Futures Contract.

Unfortunately, quarantine comes and you are locked down with your wife at home for the next 60 days. This is called “now you are screwed”, and you cannot fulfill the escort’s Futures Contract.

You do not want this woman to show up at your house. You desperately try to find any one of your friends to pass this futures contract to, any neighbors or, anybody… but you find no takers because now everybody is under lockdown with their wives.

Further you cannot sell this escort commitment because nobody can take delivery of the girl and there is nowhere to store her. Nobody can receive the escort at home anymore. Everyone is in full storage.

To make matters worse, not even the pimp (the Chicago Mercantile exchange) who sold you the escort girl contract has more room to receive girls because their house is full of girls out of work under lockdown.

So now you will pay anyone just to take the girl off your hands.

A friend calls and says he will take the girl off your hands but you must pay him 37 dollars to take the girl.

This is called negative price when you deliver the girl that cost you $500 to the willing buyer and pay him 37 dollars to take delivery.

This in a nutshell what happened to the Oil Futures Market last week.

What retailing has become

Buying pajamas from Lands End. On sale, too. Good stuff. They have pockets too.

This makes sense even more after oil traded at minus $37 a barrel (see above)

Here’s a little song that sums up our joint plight.

Wasted My Day Away in CoronaView. 

It’s cute, clean and funny. The kids will love it.

I’m off to play tennis.

Today will be my 47th consecutive day. We’re keeping track. This was yesterday:

This may offend. But someone in Bronx is taking this stuff real seriously

A storefront sign in Bronx, NY sports this sign:

Sound advice. See you tomorrow — Harry Newton.




  • TomFromVa

    So to address the below comments about sharing tennis balls – we wear a glove on our left hand (or both hands for 2-handers). This eliminates all contact between persons. I have been trying to get USTA to adopt this policy but they only listen to gazillionaires like Harry.

    But good on ya Harry – I wish I could play every day

    • G_Wood99


  • Mike Nash

    In late march, near the bottom, I decided to buy some stocks. I called Vanguard. Nobody home. I tried again. I was placed on hold for an hour and then the line went dead. I called again – nothing. So I called Fidelity. After a brief hold someone answered and I was able to place my trades in my fidelity account. Yes, I paid a small commission I wouldn’t have owed at Vanguard but it was worth it since those stocks are up over 30% now. For those saying “You could place those trades online” for large investors like myself it’s worth the trouble to do it over the phone to make certain nothing gets screwed up.

  • Omer Acikel

    Hey Harry, as much as I like the humor behind your analogy of oil futures vs escort girl, the potential market for an escort is not limited to married man stuck with their wives. There is bunch of bachelors ready to take the risk of getting sick and may be even some lesbians too. Never the less I applause the effort. I had some tesla shares bought @ $512 and sold 1/3 of my holdings about week ago when it passed $730 thinking the ride won’t last. It went up even more this week. So it is good to sell but when and how many of the holdings the question.

  • G_Wood99

    Harry, you mentioned you use a new can of tennis balls every day? But, don’t you and your partner share the balls, each of you handling it when it is your turn to serve?
    That’s not my gotcha …personally I think the benefits of outdoor recreation far outweigh the risks, and for whatever it is worth, I support you. I believe you have to live your life (and choose your investments) based on probabilities, not possibilities. I believe the odds of you getting the bug by playing tennis are extremely slim, and the odds of you indirectly killing someone in a nursing home by playing tennis are nil. Of course opinions are like farts, we’ve all got em, and they all stink, but that’s mine.
    But, here’s my gotcha … previously you called folks walking on a beach, 6′ apart, minding their own business, “idiots”. Do you not see the logical inconsistency in calling them idiots while you physically share a tennis ball with another (presumably high risk age group) player?

    • Mike Nash

      Thank you. Many of us have been thinking the same thing.