In Search of the Perfect Investment

Square keeps defying gravity. What could possibly go wrong?

I didn’t think it would hit $40. Then $50. Then $60….Now $80.

It’s been a huge winner for all of us. (I hope.)

This is Square over the past 12 months compared with Amazon (green)and Nasdaq (pink)

I have no idea what to do. Buy more? Take a little off the table? Go play tennis and ignore my happy problem?

Anyone with any ideas?

DirecTV tips

+ Never put your satellite dish where you can’t easily get to it. Roofs are a no-no.

+ Buy the service contract. You’ll need it.

+ Negotiate your price. Posit 25% less. That’s “all you can afford.” They’ll meet it. Think of this as negotiating your own mini-Nafta.

+ If you lose some channels, go into Help/Preferences and click Show All Channels. That should get you some low-def channels before you get the HD ones fixed.

The US Tennis Open is on

ESPN and the Tennis Channel. Federer’s new crimson Uniqlo outfit gives awfulness a whole new meaning.

My friend Matt Wood agrees. But he concedes, “Heck, I’d wear anything for $300 million.”

At the graduation. (The punchline is superb.)

Darqueeze played high school football in Detroit. He was a great running back, but a really poor student.

At graduation, he didn’t have enough credits. But he was a great football star and the students held a rally and demanded the principal give him a diploma anyway.

They were so insistent that the principal agreed that if Darqueeze could answer one question correctly he would give him a diploma.

The one question test was held in the auditorium and all the students packed the place. It was standing room only.

The principal was on the stage and told him to come up. Diploma in hand, the principal said: “Darqueeze, if you can answer this one question correctly I’ll give you your diploma.”

“Darqueeze, how much is three times seven?”

Darqueeze looked up at the ceiling and then down at his shoes, pondering the question.

The students began chanting, “Graduate him anyway! Graduate him anyway!”

Then Darqueeze held up his hand and the auditorium became silent. He said, “I think I know the answer. Three times seven is twenty-one.”

A hush fell over the auditorium and then all the students began to chant:

“Give him another chance. Give him another chance!”

Harry Newton, who’s playing tennis early before it gets too hot. Boring philosophy: Keeping moving keeps you alive. There were an amazing number of people on our cruise ship who waddled with a walker. One fellow three years younger than me (I’m 76) was genuinely amazed that I play tennis every day — and singles, no less. Too many people on the ship were too fat. Your body is a machine. Overload it and it will wear out. I watched theirs wearing out and marveled at how much food they could eat.