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The economy is tanking — in places. The stockmarket is booming — in places. Here’s how to figure where and to stay sane.

The economy is tanking. The stockmarket is booming.

That’s simplistic. In some areas the economy is exploding. Our local, boring supermarket is booked up until next Wednesday for delivery to our car.

It looks like a V-shaped recovery. This is Nasdaq this year.

It’s really weird.

I have friends who are 80% to 100% in cash.

When someone has that much in cash, it means he/she has no idea where things are going. Which is fine. They sleep at night.

I have learned friends who think stocks are headed down the toilet. They have a lot of shorts (and lots of toilet paper).

I have others who believe this present v-shaped bounce will last until Christmas, when we’ll have huge Santa Claus rally. These people are heavily invested.

There are clearly two keys:

  + Find one tiny segment and thoroughly learn what’s happening in it and then place your bets. Stay at home has been working, e.g. ZM, Docu, Roku.

  + Don’t try to catch falling knives.

If you have doubts, you should stay out and not mess with gambles you most likely won’t win — like trying to pick bottoms.

Cramer did a piece last night on companies that had actually raised their dividends, including JNJ, PG, and ABT.

JNJ’s dividend yield is 2.7% — more than you can earn on a treasury. Gilead is yielding 3.6%. And you might get a coronavirus pop on these two if they solve our virus problems.

There’s even a list of 25-year Dividend Increasing Stocks. Click here.

Another tip to American innovation

America’s hair salons (which are all closed) are trying to keep secret the real color of their clients’ hair. They are selling hair coloring kits for $120+ with brush, personalized coloring stuff and sundry secret ingredients. We just received this package.

Naturally, there’s a gotcha! The wholesalers of the secrete ingredients are closed.

You get the message. Here’s a new shortage. Trump needs this stuff, too.

Your grandkids will love this

The talented creator is Joseph Herscher. You can find more of his wonderful creations here.

If you don’t like my sunset photos..

I don’t care. First, iPhones do awful with sunsets. Second, fiddling with them in Photoshop is fun.

I didn’t improve on God’s work. But, so far, it’s the best I’ve done.

Drumroll: I present the evening of April 15, 2020 in Columbia County, New York:

Maybe, it should be a bit redder and bit darker? Thank you Adobe Photoshop.

The sad loss of local businesses 

Show these to your young kids. Good education about puns.

  + A bra maker has gone bust.

  + A submarine company has gone under.

  + A maker of food blenders has gone into liquidation.

  + A dog kennel has had to call in the retrievers.

  + An origami company has folded.

  + Main Street Flowers is pruning its business.

  + A local Plumber has gone down the drain.

Today’s momentous decision

And finally,

I was so depressed last night couped up and thinking about the virus, the economy, 20 million unemployed, my Social Security and my retirement funds, etc., I called The Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan.

I told them I was suicidal. They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck?

Life is wonderful.

Stay well. I’ll keep publishing silly, funny stuff. The best of the best.

See you tomorrow. — Harry Newton




  1. Don Verlench says:

    Could you in a column give us the history of the telecomm dictionary.

  2. KC Chuck says:

    -The economy is tanking-
    Not sure about you-but I am already tired of ‘Winning’ !

    • Dman says:

      Hey asshole search these twitter hashtags:


      The Great Awakening
      Trust The Plan