In Search of the Perfect Investment

Yesterday, the market went up. I got rich. I went shopping.  I walked through Bloomingdales. Boy, do they sell a lot of overpriced drek. I hadn’t been there since September 2007 when we bought Harry (i.e. me) an acceptable suit for Claire’s wedding.

Three weeks before Christmas, I expected Bloomies to be frenetic with happy people shopping till they dropped.  It was empty.  Susan says everyone is buying online. It’s cheaper and faster.

She’s right. She’s mostly right,, except when I’m right (which isn’t often.) Online stores are dropping  shipping and handling, running promotions and (often)  allowing me to avoid local sales tax.

Bloomie’s web site offers much better deals than its depressing bricks and mortar store:

How busy is online? This morning I tried to buy jeans from Eddie Bauers. They’re sold out in my size. Three weeks before Christmas! Go figure.

Retail is booming — despite high unemployment of nearly 20%. Somebody is shopping:

I’m not responsible for this, though I do like Tiffany’s stuff.

I am responsible for this. Amazon is now the world’s largest and cheapest department store.

Overseas is a mess. The Germans save. The Greeks lie about their finances. The Spanish bid their  houses to the stratosphere. The French work for their government.

All the Euro countries are different financially.

The Euro itself makes no sense. If a country messes up, it can’t devalue — the most effective  solution.

There is no  political will to break up the Euro community, allow everyone their own currency — and hence to devalue themselves out of their own idicocies.

Meantime, you and I face ongoing crises. Which means more gyrations like we had this week. They’ll save Ireland. They won’t save Ireland. They’ll save Spain. They won’t. Up and down with the gruesome headlines.

Today is the first day of Chanukah.

Another Chanukah dinner at the home of a learned and distinguished rabbi. The candles glow softly, the table is crowded with family, congregants, and visitors.

Suddenly, a flash of light, and the angel of the Lord appears.

“Rebbe,” says the angel. “For your life of unselfish service and exemplary behavior, you are to be rewarded. You have the choice of infinite wealth, boundless wisdom or utter beauty. Pick one.”

Without hesitating, the rabbi says, “Wisdom.”

“Done!” says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning.

All heads wheel to the rabbi, who sits, stunned, an expression of dawning comprehension breaking across his shocked features.

There is a long silence. Finally his teenage grandson speaks. “Say something wise,” the young man insists.

The old rabbi looks around the table and says, “I should have taken the money.”

Harry Newton who is pleased he got up at 3 this morning and got oodles (but not all)  his paperwork done.

Another reason never to buy crappy, non-public investments — the paperwork of endless capital calls, corporate restructurings and reverse splits. Endless paperwork.

Funny, gold remains almost 100% correlated to stocks. Stocks go up. Gold goes up. Stocks go down. Gold goes down.  It wasn’t meant to be that way. Gold was meant to be a hedge.

I bought some more triple-tax-free munis. I’m getting nearly 5% yield. I don’t worry about them dropping in price, since I plan (or my estate plans) on holding them until they mature.  Meanwhile, I’ll live on the income.

My total on-line purchases yesterday — two tennis shorts and a hoodie — were less than $100. The economy is not going to recover because of me. But it definitely is recovering, some sectors recovering remarkably fast. Like Apple (it’s big enough to be its own sector) and healthcare.