In Search of the Perfect Investment

I can’t present you with new, brilliant ideas every day. First, it’s a comfort thing. Second, it’s a research thing. Research and due diligence simply takes too much time. But… I am adding more money to my Australian CDs. I keep buying gold — largely SGOL and GLD. And I’m still happy with my mortgage REITs — NLY, ANH, AGNC and the new MITT. Most other equities seem fully priced. Or overpriced, like Dell. Google, Bank of America, Citigroup, Hewlett-Packard, etc.

John Maynard Keynes, a great stockmarket speculator and somewhat OK economist, once said: “When the facts change, I change my opinion. What do you do, sir?“

So, look at Google. Once upon a time it had a really great business — Search. And though well-heeled competitors nipped at its heels, it stayed ahead. Then it went and spent $12.5 billion (that’s billion, not million) to buy Motorola Mobility, which makes cell phones and has a bunch of mostly-antique patents.

Neither the market nor I liked the deal. I sold my Google instantly and the stock has dropped, and will continue to drop.

Google is getting into dangerous territory. Google has never made a product that consumers actually had to pay for — unlike Apple — or Microsoft, or Nokia, or RIM, or Sony, or even Motorola.

The magazine “This Week” looks at seven predictions. I’m inclined to believe this one:

7. It will be a total trainwreck
“Unless Google quickly sells off Motorola’s hardware businesses [but retains the valuable patents], the deal will be a colossal disaster,” says Henry Blodget at Business Insider. “Google has no idea how to run a global hardware manufacturing business,” and it’s likely Motorola will quickly run into problems and drag Google down with it. “It’s not inconceivable that it will end up the same way the disastrous AOL Time Warner merger did: With a quiet spin-off after years’ worth of value destruction.”

Read more: Click here.

BAC going to zero? My friend shorted it at $15. He’s still short.

He thinks it’s going to zero. I don’t know. I do think financials are way overpriced. That’s why I keep recommending against buying any of them — whether Goldman Sachs, or Citigroup, etc. I should have shorted them all. Dumb me.

If it works, don’t mess with it. This  advice applies particularly to software “uprades.” Item: Don’t upgrade Firefox to the new Firefox 6 — no matter how many times Firefox badgers you.

My recommendation: Test all software upgrades on an old machine you’re not using — except to test new software and upgrades. As a general rule, 90% of software uprades are not useful, and designed mostly to extract fees from your pocket.

I’m still using Windows XP and can’t think of one reason to upgrade to Windows 7.

Watch your magazine subscriptions: I receive this generous offer. I have to rush. It says “reply by 8/31/11”. But I think; something is wrong. What does that line “23NOV15” mean?

I call the New Yorker. Oh, yes, the “23Nov15” means your subscription is paid until November 23, 2015 — more than four years hence. Why would they send me a 2-For-1 Insider Discount Savings Form?

Heck, why not? Maybe their readers (or some of them) are really stupid? And print media needs the money.

Fix Your Outlook. Somewhere on your Windows hard drive, you’ll find a file called SCANTPST.EXE. Microsoft calls it the Inbox Repair Tool. Run it on your Outlook.pst file.It will clean it and make it run more reliably. Trust me.

What is wrong with the younger generation? Don’t they ever know how to say Thank You? Apparently not.

Please teach your kids to say, email and mail “Thank Yous.” Adults are NOT kin the business of avalanching other people’s kids  with favors — time, money, or advice.

Burning bridges is not useful at a young age.

There’s no faster way to burn them than to appear ungrateful by not saying  Thank You. I have several examples. They all make me despair. I sound like a grumpy old man.

A whale of a time.

The photo was taken at the entrance to Katlian Bay at the end of the road in Sitka, Alaska. The whale is coming up to scoop up a mouthful of herring (the small fish seen at the surface around the kayak). The kayaker is a local Sitka Dentist. Other than being momentarily terrified, he didn”t get hurt.  His reaction:  “Paddle really fast!“

Oops. A reader has written in. This apparently is a creation of photoshop. The lesson here is clearly you can’t believe anything. I should have checked. Stupid me.

Ultra-Bad Australian humour.

Teacher to class: “Children, we are all descendants of Adam and Eve”
Pupil: “But Miss, my mummy and daddy said we come from the apes.”
Teacher: “Stay out of this one Leroy, I’m not talking about your lot.”

I bought the wife a Memory Stick, it’s great!
She hasn’t forgotten my beer, dinner or sex once since her first beating with it.

Sky news report. The Irish have joined in the attack on Libya .
They sent in 3 ships – 2 full of sand, and one full of cement..it was a mortar attack.

An assortment of high powered weapons and a stash of drugs including cocaine, heroin and ecstasy have been found behind the Job Centre in Liverpool . The locals are said to be in a state of shock……..They had no idea they had a job centre!

Kate Middleton asked the Queen for advice on marriage and a long relationship… she replied “wear a seatbelt and don’t piss me off!”

Just had a bloke at the door asking if I wanted to buy raffle tickets for black orphans. I told him with my luck I’d probably win one.

Following the tragic death of the Human Cannonball at the Kent Show, a spokesman said “We’ll struggle to get another man of the same calibre.”

The cost of living has now got so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can’t afford batteries!

Harry Newton who thinks he’s finally over jet lag. It only took four days. Meantime, my friend who travels regularly to Australia recommends melatonin. Upon returning, he gulps a 3 mg tablet each day — for one or two days. The brand is Nature Made. He bought it at CVS. He has to buy it in the U.S. since it requires a prescription in Australia. which tells you  something. I haven’t tried the stuff. To recover from jet lag, I rely on sleep, exercise, a little sun and lots of complaining. Which is boring and slow. But it fits my personality — slow and boring.

My local Mercedes Manhattan dealer charges $174 an hour for labor. That’s the primary reason his bills are so high.  My local non-Mercedes mechanic charges a lot less and does a perfectly fine job.